Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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