Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
