It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
