Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
