My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
