Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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