can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Dicks are not precious.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
