He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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