You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm just crazy horny about you
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
