It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
