she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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