Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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