i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
