it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
