Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
