You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
