god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
