I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
