these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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