you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
