You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
