You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
