its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We got so high we made milksteak
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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