i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
