if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
