I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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