So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Come share oat with me in your robe
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
