As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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