Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
