Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
