hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
