Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is the high leading the old right now
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
