I think im going to throw up on grandma
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
