Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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