dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
