That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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