don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I think people are normalizing furries
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
