this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
