I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
