That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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