he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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