Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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