Screwed.edu
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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