I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
