when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
