i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i think my cat just said my name.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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