Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
