6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
