I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
