There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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