and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
