Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
