My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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