Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
