hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
