You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
