so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
