whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
