He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
