i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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