The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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