I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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