The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You dont lie about slip and slides
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
