Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
