Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
