the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
